I’m fine



Just fine.

It’s amazing how many people expect those responses, whenever they ask the perfunctory “How are you?”

It’s confusing to me why I am unable to truthfully say them.

Almost every news story about a child or an athlete who has/has had a serious illness describes how upbeat they are. Positive Mental Attitude (remember that phrase?) Perky. Cheerful.

I’m not there. I don’t know why I’m not, but I’m not. And I can pretend all you want, but my spirit – aided by antidepressants – apparently never will be, again. The pretending is exhausting. Sometimes, I know I am not convincing. I also know that that pisses some of you off.

All I can do is apologize for annoying you. I will continue to pretend, as strength allows. And if you can cut me some slack, when it doesn’t, that would be wonderful. If you can’t, maybe we should have a conversation about whose problem this really is.

One thought on “I’m fine”

  1. You are been very ill, you are dealing with things most will never deal with. Also you have been isolated lately, with ice, snow, freezing temps, more snow, enough ice to take care of all teh hockey rinks for the next several years.. I get the feeling there are really no neighbors around to visit. Isolation adds to it..I can’t go anwhere unless Nick can take me, neighbors are in their own worlds or have the money to go out and eat every day. We don’t. Kids are all far from here, and we haven’t seen any of them in over 2 years.. None of us are alone with our issues and yet we are alone which depresses us even more. What can we do about it? I don’t know..

    Yes, the upbeat gets to me, it gets to you, and it gets to a lot. My next door neighbor..who still can get out..it gets to her.. She has no immune system left either..but for different reasons. She isnt’ allowed to go out in her flower beds as along with all the other issues, she has developed C-Diff which is apparently common in much of the South. It is a bacteria picked up in moist warm dirt, especiall in teh southern tier of states… Her flower beds and garden are/were her thing. She does’t know one of her roses is blooming right now as she can’t see it from inside her house. I can’t go work on her flowerbed any more…my yard looks like crap. Weeds everywehre, mulch about gone, shrubs need trimming. Nick can’t do any of it..

    So we try to to upset others, and it makes us more irritable ..because we know eveyrone doesn’t want to listen to us grumbling and gripe. Kissy listens to you, Heidi listens to me.. Fortunately they don’t mind hearing us. Good thing we have them…


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